New Slogans

Intel inside, but can it divide?!?

A slogan that didn't make it onto the released version of the Intel Slogan list:

Close enough for government work.

The 0.000000000001th new Intel slogan for the Pentium:

We give you the most megaflops.

"Intel, you have a LOT of explaining to do!"

Did you hear Intel's new motto? "United we stand, divided we fall."

On the tee-shirt of an inlined skater in Mountain View: <Intel Inside logo>

"I asked for a refund on my Pentium, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt"

The Pentium doesn't have bugs or produce errors; it's just Precision-Impaired.

Intel business executives have been so stressed by staying up late at night trying to figure out what to do about the Pentium Problem, that they're past the floating point.

I heard that Intel lost one of its divisions today...

"Intel inside: What's a few places of innacuracy? Who needed more than 3.14 anyways?"

Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill being developed as a replacement for RU-486???

Its called RU-Pentium. It causes the embryo to not divide correctly.

But it is funnier if the new pill is called "Preventium". That's what was used a year or two ago when the above joke (without the divide part, of course!) made the rounds.

Intel extends the IEEE floating point standard.

In addition to NaN's (Not a Number's), they also have NaA's (Not an Answer's).

At Intel, Quality is Job .99999998!!

(this semi-plagiarized from "At Microsoft, Quality is Job 1.1!")

The Pentium says:

4195835-(4195835/3145727)*3145727 = 256

--- But is it right? Hmm, figure it out in your head, and you are more accurate than the Pentium.... ---

How about a T Shirt with a take off of the Intel logo - "Intel Outside".

.. or "Intel Offside"...

Or, on a takeoff of Sony's slogan "My First Sony," a sticker saying "My Last Intel" that we can all put on our machines.

New logo for IBM, DEC, HP, Compaq, etc., PC's: 'Intel Aside'

Secondary products resulting from the impact of excited Pentium particles on stone walls include 'Resentium' and assorted Alpha particles.

Pentium specification errata:

Addition       -> Ambition
Subtraction    -> Distraction
Multiplication -> Uglification
Division       -> Derision; i.e., LDIV -> LDER

Please update your manuals.

Intel has finally located the bug in the Pentium's floating point unit:

It was a praying mantissa. (Praying for precision, no doubt.)

Pentium, the computer your kids can relate to: it can't do fractions either.

I wonder...

Does Intel use a buggy Pentium to calculate the quarterly dividends for its stockholders? An interesting question, to be sure.

Something is for sure: Intel used a Pentium to calculate the 27000 years it takes to give an error.

PENTIUM = Practically Everyone Now Thinks It's Useless for Math

PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

PENTIUM = Processor Errors Numbering Thousands In Users Machines

INTEL = Incredibly Nonchalantly Telling Evil Lies

INTEL = I Never Test Enough Logic

Quality is undividable...
...or is it?

Intel Inside? Don't Divide!

Definition of fraud: knowingly selling bad chips as good for five months.

I gather that FDIV bit off more of the mantissa than it could chew.

2 + 2	= 100          (base 2)
	=  11          (base 3)
	=  10          (base 4)
	=   4          (base 5 and higher)
	=   3.9998736  (base unit containing a Pentium)

Now that the Pentium has been "fixed", does that mean it cannot "multiply" now?

SPCA: Society for Pentium Computation Anomalies

Geesh, with a simple div problem now, I hate to see what happens when Intel dump CISC for RISC and has to write an emulator for the x86!

Have you noticed how manufacturers are starting to give computers names that sound a lot like automobile names? With that in mind, it'll probably be the "Pentium Accura" or "Pentium Integra"...

The Pentium Acura is the inevitable followup to the current model being shipped: the Pentium Inaccura!